My Return to the Sugar World

I mentioned in an earlier post that I gave up sugar and sodas for 30 days. Even though I am a bit heavier (ya who am I kidding?) than I should be, my motivation was not to lose weight. Which, BTW, I did lose 7 lbs.

These nasty little sugary snacks and my beloved Dr Pepper had become a terrible curse. I found myself eating this crap when I was sad, lonely, tired, bored, etc. They were a substitute for joy, companionship, energy, excitement, etc. They were my drug. One author, I can't remember who and just now don't really care enough to find out, said that for an addict the feelings produced by a drug is a synthetic substitute for the feeling of spirituality that those prone to addiction crave. This spiritual craving, longing for what he calls reunion with deity, is more intense for those who experience addiction. I have no idea if this is true but it has been my experience that there are fake substitutes for every good feeling we experience. The good, I believe, originated with God. The bad is a cleverly disguised, sorry a-- imitation that, I would suggest, originated with that which is in total opposition to God. Yep, you guessed it, 'ol mr nasty himself.

Now I'm not suggesting that Dr Pepper is evil or that my beloved Chocolate Chip Cookies are the devil's recipe. Heaven's that would be blasphemy 'cause I gotta say- they are GOOOOOOOD. And remember all good things come from God. But 'ol mr nasty can take those GOOOOOD things and twist them, manipulate then, taint them and voila-deception, fake crap.

SOOOO, (yep, I'm starting a sentence with the word 'so'. JJWT's little miss bimbo can poke fun at me yet again) I gave up the sugar and soda to break a pattern, to form new habits, replace the 'fake crap' with some gen-U-wine 'real' good stuff.

Was it easy? Oh, heck no! I wanted the 'stuff' bad. It was during SUPERSTAR'S birthday and a trip to the cabin. Both of which I was required to make cakes and cinnamon rolls. Chocolate Chip Cookies were made almost weekly. Of which I partook of NONE. (I did lick frosting from the cinnamon rolls from my finger once, but that was an accident. Heck can you really call that a slip? I didn't think so either.)

I was so looking forward to my sugar fix today. I had threatened to eat a whole pan of CCC's myself . I ate the first cookie. It was ok -not great, not what I was expecting, not what I remembered. I took another cookie and didn't finish it. I didn't NEED it and certainly wasn't enjoying it.

The taste of my Dr Pepper was 'blah'. However, I have come to see there is something very different about my body's reaction to the Dr Pepper that certainly didn't happen with the cookies. Oh man, oh man alive! Oh baby- it made me feel like I was "In LOVE". Oh... my heart beat faster, my breathing was uneven, I wanted to pull my head back and smile with that crazy, oblivious, puppy dog, glazed over look. Yep, I was "high" on the Dr.

I still will get sad, lonely, tired, bored, etc. But now I have some experience (a little brief but still...) at sitting with the feelings, recognizing them for what they are and making an attempt to create joy, companionship, energy, excitement and/or offer up a prayer of gratitude. I certainly will not numb them with mr nasty's fake-crap. I can drink a Dr Pepper or eat a cookie for the mere enjoyment, not because I NEED them.