I Don't Get It

SUPERSTAR and I are butting heads, big time. For the last while, maybe a couple of weeks, maybe more, whenever I try to put my arm around him, or pat his hand, or try to touch him he flinches away.

Yesterday I asked him to attend SUGAR'S game so that I could go to SUNSHINE'S band concert. (They were at the same time and ending at approximately the same time) He didn't want to, said it would be boring. I told him that I needed him to be with her, support her and stay with her when the game ended until I could get there. He balked and said that there were several games of his that I didn't go to. I told him that I always felt bad about that and appologized whenever that happened, I was doing my best. He is older and better able to take care of himself than SUNSHINE is. Still he balked. I asked, "will you please do this for me?" Still he balked. I asked again, "will you please do this for me?" Three times this happened before he said, "what time do we have to leave?" I told him 6:00. He said, "I'll be home at six." and hung up.

This morning he slept in an hour because seminary is over for the school year. I woke him up with everyone else to read scriptures. He fell asleep during the reading and when we finished I nudged him and said, "SUPERSTAR, you need to go get ready for school." He said, "OK." A few minutes later when he'd not moved I put my hand against his shoulder and said, "SUP, you're going to be late if you don't get up now." He said, "Leave me alone." I did. 30min later he got up and began getting ready for school. He was just stepping out of the shower when the bus passed. SWEETHEART came downstairs and informed me that SUPERSTAR had missed the bus and was still wrapped in a towel and told her that he was not going to get dressed until his clothes were done in the dryer (30 min). She then asked me if since I'm going to have to take SUPERSTAR to school could I also drive SUNSHINE and her to school. I agreed.

I went up stairs and told SUPERSTAR that we would be leaving in 10min. He balked and said that he couldn't get ready that soon, all his clothes were in the dryer. I said, "then you'd better find something else to wear because I'm leaving in 10min. If you're not ready you'll be riding your bike to school." Pissed and angry he balks again, telling me that school doesn't start for a half hour and it was ridiculous to leave in 10min. I express my frustration about being low on gas and money and when he misses the bus it adds to the stress.

In the car I asked him to put his seatbelt on (something that happens everytime he gets in the car, not once since he was small has he taken the inititive to put on his seat belt without being asked to). He said, "NO." I, with sharpness, said, "Then get out of the car." His head snapped as he looked at me with shock and distain. I stopped the car and said, "You can either put on your seatbelt or get out of the car. I'm OK with either one." He put on his seatbelt and the rest of the ride was made in silence.

I know he's angry and frustrated and so am I. I haven't got the slightest idea what to do or how to understand were he's coming from or how to create some compassion between us.

I know that for the last while we've had one of SWEETHEART'S friends coming to the house often. She is an only child and seems to enjoy the family atmosphere, a bit of chaos and energy that are constants at our house. She has begun imitating some the the things that SWEETHEART does with her siblings, i.e. hugs, inviting SUGAR to sit on her lap, etc. She has also made efforts to get close to me. She offers me a hug every time she comes over, has spent the night several times, helps her self to food, etc. None of these things bother me. I'm glad she feels comfortable at our house. In church last week she sat by me and rested her head on my shoulder.

SUPERSTAR said to DARLING HUSBAND, about the friend, "I hate her. It's like she's trying to be our sister. She's not. And what's she doing hugging on mom? She's my mom not her's." I don't know what to do about this jealously, or if the tension between SUPERSTAR and I the last two days has anything to do with it.. I don't think that the attention she gets from me is taking any attention from my own kids. They always come first. Besides, as far as hugs, SUPERSTAR doesn't even let me hug him.

So I don't get it....

And I haven't got a clue what to do about it.