Questions from my Cousin

Some time ago a cousin of mine posed a very good question. Because her blog is private, only open to those she invites, I have (with her permission) posted some of it here. I invite you to ponder her point, see what you think and respond.

Here are her words:
Think of any family that has all of their children grown up for the most part. Is it me, or does practically any family you think of have at least one child who has strayed or who is struggling in some way? Why is that? Especially when you're talking about some of the strongest families in your church growing up, or family members (close or extended) that you love dearly, that all have some of the most awesome parents ever. Despite parents providing a perfect loving home, centered around Christ, they still always seem to lose at least one child in some way. Sometimes this loss is just temporary and the child overcomes their struggles and comes back. But this seems to be very rare.

It makes me a little disheartened as I'm trying to raise my young family. Sometimes I look at my children and actually have the thought come to my mind, "Which one of these sweet spirits is going to go astray?" "Which one of these sweet spirits is going to cause me heartache beyond compare?" Because it seems like the odds are against me - that no matter how well I try and raise them, the fact remains that they have their own agency. Yet we have been promised such things as, "Teach a child in the way they should go and they will not depart from it" and other promises such as how children who have gone astray will come back to parents who have lived righteously, etc. But how can they make such promises when all the families I think about, usually aren't getting those "promised blessings"? I mean even look at the scriptures. All of those families always had children go astray as well: Abraham and Ishmael, Adam had Cain, etc - but there's very few stories where the "lost" children come back - and these are prophets we're talking about! In general, the parents die believing their children are "lost". Then my mind goes to Heavenly Father - even he "lost" many children. Is that why we must all suffer the same type of pain and anguish - is that part of our "growing" process here on Earth to help make us more Christ-like?

I'm really quite disturbed by it all. I'm not going to lie. The thought of any of my children going off into evil or destructive paths breaks my heart already. The thought alone brings tears to my eyes and makes me feel like there is no way I can endure such heartache later on in my life. I would really like some insight and advice about this topic. My heart is quite troubled whenever I think about this subject and my heart breaks for all those mothers out there who are dealing with this issue. Every time I hear of someone else I know who has "left the fold" so to speak, my heart sinks. Not that I'm totally living the way I should and feel like I'm better than anyone else, Quite the contrary. But just watching the heartache it causes those families, just tears me up inside. Is there no way of caging up my children and keeping them close by me forever? Maybe the compounds in Texas have the right idea (minus the abuse and polygamy)!


This was my comment back to her, but I anxiously await to see yours as well.
This is definitely a topic that hits way too close to my heart. Also, I've really liked reading what everyone else has said. I have a couple of things to add:
First, We kept our first estate, chose Father's plan. That plan, whose central elements are agency and the atonement of Jesus Christ, is simple in that respect. However, I think, that His plan is far more complex and individual to each of His children. I think that His plan includes distinct plans for us, individually. He has and does prepare the path for every person to come unto Him. That is why the atonement is universal and personal at the same time.

The second thing I have to add is that we were never intended to get through our second estate without coming to completely rely on Heavenly Father. I know that as I have struggled with those who have "fallen" I have come to see my own weaknesses, the places that I thought I was enough without Him and the ways I have come to rely more and more on my Savior and my Father. I think that the anguish of seeing those we love "fall" is part of the plan that shows us (those who think we are not "fallen") how much we truly need the atonement and our complete dependence upon God.

Lastly, I am constantly reminding myself that it was His plan I chose and still choose, NOT my plan. I often try to think that my plan and His plan are the same. Thankfully, they are NOT.

I would love to see your thoughts....Please share!